Some advice for those who abide by the religion living in a deviant family environment | The official website of Sheikh Muhammad Ali FERKUS
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Thirsday 15 Dhu Al-Qa`dah 1445 H - May 23, 2024 G

Fatwa: 234

Category: fatwas about Manhaj

Some advice for those who abide by the religion living in a deviant family environment

The question:

Noble Sheikh! I have problems with my father:

I want to apply the Book of Allah and the Sunna of His Messenger صلَّى الله عليه وسلَّم but my parents prevent me from doing so. And I do not know what to do? What is your advice to me?

The answer:

All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds. Peace and blessing be upon whom Allah sent as a mercy to the Worlds, upon his Family, his Companions and his Brothers till the Day of Resurrection.

Abiding by the rites of Islam, sticking to its morals and holding fast to the Book of Allah and Sunna require patience and harm endurance in Allah’s cause; the harm he faces from his closest relatives. Allah تعالى said:

﴿يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اصْبِرُوا وَصَابِرُوا وَرَابِطُوا وَاتَّقُوا اللهَ لَعَلَّكُمْ تُفْلِحُونَ﴾ [آل عمران: 200].

The meaning of the verse:

O, you who believe! Endure and be more patient (than your enemy), and guard your territory by stationing army units permanently at the place from where the enemy can attack you, and fear Allah, so that you may be successful.﴿ [Âl`Imrân (The Family of `Imrân): 200].

Thereby, the Prophet صلَّى الله عليه وسلَّم met sorts of wrongs and oppression from the members of this tribe. But he was much patient and forbearing, and confronted the afflictions with wisdom. He strongly disowned their deeds and asked Allah to guide them. He تعالى said:

﴿وَأَنْذِرْ عَشِيرَتَكَ الأَقْرَبِينَ. وَاخْفِضْ جَنَاحَكَ لِمَنِ اتَّبَعَكَ مِنَ الْمُؤْمِنِينَ. فَإِنْ عَصَوْكَ فَقُلْ إِنِّي بَرِيءٌ مِمَّا تَعْمَلُونَ﴾ [الشعراء: 214-216].

And warn you tribe (O, Muhammad ) of near kindred. And be kind and humble to the believers who follow you. Then if they disobey you, say: ‹I am innocent of what you do›.﴿ [Ash-Shu ̀arâ' (The Poets):214-216].

Moreover, through his suffering from different kinds of wrongs, Allah preordained him victory and help because he was very patient in accordance with his saying: "Know that along with every victory is patience and along with every ease is distress and along with every hardship is relief."(1) And indeed, your kind behavior towards your parents is something enjoined by the Islamic Law even if they are polytheist. However, your obedience to them must be in Al-Ma ̀rûf (i.e. Islamic Monotheism and all that Islam has ordained) and not in sins (polytheism, disbelief and all that Islam has forbidden). As Allah تعالى said:

﴿وَإِنْ جَاهَدَاكَ عَلَى أَنْ تُشْرِكَ بِي مَا لَيْسَ لَكَ بِهِ عِلْمٌ فَلاَ تُطِعْهُمَا وَصَاحِبْهُمَا فِي الدُّنْيَا مَعْرُوفًا﴾ [لقمان: 15].

The meaning of the verse:

But it they (both) strive with you to make you join in worship with Me others that of which you have no knowledge, then obey them not, but behave with them in the world kindly﴿ [Luqmân: 15].

And he صلَّى الله عليه وسلَّم said, "Indeed obedience is in Al-Ma ̀rûf"(2). If your parent orders you to do things that make an end to the apparent guidance such as beard, Qâmis (cloak) etc… and threatens to evict you from home, then it is compulsory not to leave; but to stay in and to be patient on that guidance even if you are beaten.

That was known in the Prophetic biography with the Companions of the Prophet صلَّى الله عليه وسلَّم who suffered a great deal from torture and oppression. They were really patient with that though. What is amazing is that it is absolutely the case of any woman in an allegedly conservative family that she refuses to go out with Islamic standards and endures harm that afflicts her from her parents in the cause of Satan and remains insistent on that way till their parents' hearts get soft and Al-Munkar (polytheism, disbelief and all that Islam has forbidden) becomes a favor in her right. Then no blame, no admonition and no punishment fall on her when going out and coming in, at work, in her toilet and in all other things she does. Therefore, her parents get obedient to her. If the matter is so, will those who abide by the religion not have the right to strive hard in the cause of Allah and turn Al-Munkar into Al-Ma ̀rûf and then will not get their portion for their strive?! Allah تعالى said:

﴿وَالَّذِينَ جَاهَدُوا فِينَا لَنَهْدِيَنَّهُمْ سُبُلَنَا وَإِنَّ اللهَ لَمَعَ الْمُحْسِنِينَ﴾ [العنكبوت:69].

The meaning of the verse:

As for those who strive hard in us (Our Cause), We will surely guide them to Our Paths (i.e. Allah's religion – Islamic Monotheism). And verily, Allah is with the Muhsinûn (good doers)﴿ [Al- ̀Ankabût (The Spider): 69].

And if the answer is affirmative, then you will have only to sacrifice what you can afford for the victory and help that the pious and righteous are promised. Along with help is patience that is the money of the truthful and the slogan of the righteous. He صلَّى الله عليه وسلَّم said: "How astonishing the believer's matters are. Verily all his matters are good and this is for none except the believer. If prosperity befalls him, he is thankful. And if diversity befalls him, he is patient. So it is good for him”(3). Then you should endure patience and hope for Allah’s reward. You should not complain, nor be discontent. Do not repel the evil deed with the evil one. But repel the evil with the good deed.

﴿وَاصْبِرْ عَلَى مَا أَصَابَكَ إِنَّ ذَلِكَ مِنْ عَزْمِ الأُمُورِ﴾ [لقمان : 17].

The meaning of the verse:

…and bear with patience whatever befalls you. Verily there are some of the important commandments (ordered by Allah with no exception).﴿ [Luqmân: 17].

The perfect knowledge belongs to Allah عزَّ وجلَّ. Our last prayer is all praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds. Peace and blessing be upon our Prophet, his Family, his Companions and Brothers till the Day of Resurrection.

(1) Reported by Al-Khatîb in At-Târîkh (287/10), by Ad-Daylami (4/111-112) on the authority of Anas Ibn Mâlik رضي الله عنه and by Ahmad (hadith 2857) on the authority of Ibn `Abbâs رضي الله عنهما. See As-Silsila As-Sahîha (hadith 2382).

(2) Reported by Al-Bukhâri, chapter of “Judgments” (hadith 7145), by Muslim, chapter of “Emirate” (hadith 4871), by Abu Dâwûd, chapter of “Jihad” (hadith 2627), by An-Nassâ ́i, chapter of “Pledge of allegiance” (hadith 4222) and by Ahmad (hadith 622) on the authority of `Ali Ibn Abi Tâlib.

(3) Reported by Muslim, chapter of “Softening of the Hearts” (hadith 7692) and Ahmad (hadith 19448) on the authority of Suhayb Ibn Sinân رضي الله عنه.