Fatwa: 732

Category: fatwas about marriage

The limits concerning a man's relationship with his divorcee for her children

The question:

I have been married to a man who divorced his first wife with whom he had two children and he remained in touch with her in order to know about the situation of the two children. However, they speak sometimes about things which go beyond the necessary. So, what is the norm that governs the permission of speaking to her? And may Allah reward you with good.

The answer:

All praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds. Peace and blessing be upon whom Allah sent as a mercy to the Worlds, upon his Family, his Companions and his Brothers till the Day of Resurrection.

If the man divorces his wife and the period of `Idda⁽¹⁾ ends, then she will be separated from him, and the things which were permissible for him with her after the conclusion of the marriage contract will not be so, as she will become strange towards him. However, she can speak to him insofar as there is a need to, and by using proper words that do not lead to temptation, without being courteous and without speaking with an appealing voice with the intention of seducing him, in accordance with Allah’s عزَّ وجلَّ saying:

﴿فَلاَ تَخْضَعْنَ بِالْقَوْلِ فَيَطْمَعَ الَّذِي فِي قَلْبِهِ مَرَضٌ وَقُلْنَ قَوْلاً مَعْرُوفًا﴾ [الأحزاب: 32].

The meaning of the verse:

﴾be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy, or evil desire for adultery, etc.) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honorable manner.﴿ [Al-Ahzâb (The Confederates): 32].

The same applies to the man, thus, it is not permissible for him to seduce her and use the children as a means to temptation and what does not please to Allah تعالى. He should fear Allah, because He knows:

﴿خَائِنَةَ الأَعْيُنِ وَمَا تُخْفِي الصُّدُورُ﴾ [غافر: 19].

The meaning of the verse:

﴾ …the fraud of the eyes, and all that the breasts conceal﴿ [Ghâfir (The Forgiver) : 19]. And:

﴿مَا تُكِنُّ صُدُورُهُمْ وَمَا يُعْلِنُونَ﴾ [النمل: 74].

The meaning of the verse:

﴾ …what their breasts conceal and what they reveal﴿ [An-Naml (The Ants) : 74].

However, Allah has given a solution to this situation if the man desires her if she is not separated from him irrevocably (that is to say: he has not divorced her thrice). That is to get married with her as a second wife by a contract, on the condition of being equitable between them as regards shelter and cohabitation, and this, in order to avoid the causes of temptation.

The perfect knowledge belongs to Allah عزَّ وجلَّ. Our last prayer is all praise is due to Allah, the Lord of the Worlds. Peace and blessing be upon our Prophet, his Family, his Companions and Brothers till the Day of Resurrection.

Algiers, Rajab 14^th, 1428H.
Corresponding to: July 28^th , 2007.